alright, let's do this

nevermind.

18.02.2025
I had another weird dream today. I think this might become my dream log. at least for now. Again, what I can still recall are nothing but fragments, but I will try my best to put them in a coherent pile of words that is easily understood and digestible. It was a very strange time in history. Or rather, in the future. The surroundings seemed quite modern, somehow as if I've seen them before. I remember us, the group of a few people that I don't quite remember, going to the mall. The color pallete was dark, sharp, unnatural. There were tones of deep reddish brown and neon greens, yellows, oranges and blues. It was closed, no doubt. Most of what was going on took place at night, and, as I said before, I remember nothing but fragments up to this point. There is just this vibe that remained. Of course, there were Arcane characters.
I don't know what it is about Jinx, but someone in my subcontious desperately wants to draw paralell lines between me and her, one way or another. This time, she wasn't my sister. She was me. (Ooooo, whatever could that mean?? Fuck if I know) Alright, so I am this blue haired crazy woman again. This time, her hair is cut short. I think she was a playable character, or we all were, and we could exchange our bodies based on which tasksk we were supposed to be doing. I was supposed to go into a room in a gothic looking building with a large circular window, a room wich was at the very top of the building. I, for some reason, could not play as "myself" (Jinx?) and was very mad about the fact that I will have to play as my sister (now Vi. Dream logic, don't argue with me). I turn, and fuck something up, there are cyberpunks beating me up, a guy who is a sleeper agent commits suicide by chewing on a vape-looking battery which explodes his face. All goes to shit. But we win.
Also, there were two gay goblins with abnormally large faces, trying to sell us plants that produce portals. One of the portals took you to a dimension where you had to beat a crazy wizard guy. Most of the time. They were so adamant on selling us those plants. Saying shit like "Don't worry, the wizard only shows up a few times and then the portal space is only yours." Liars. Bizarre experience. Much less coherent than the previous dream. I wish it wasn't.
I figured out that whenever I dream about media that I consume, it comes with a lag. I binged Arcane with my parents a week or two ago, and now it's all I seem to be dreaming about. I am looking forward to Stardew Valley dreams!



15.02.2025
I want to share a dream I had a few days ago. I take pills, and one of the rather strange side effects of the pills is having bizarre dreams. I read it on the little paper that comes with the pills and wondered what that means in practice. It is a very strange thing to read on a "side effects" list. And then. Then I find out.

I started having dreams that seemed incredibly long compared to the ones I had before. Dreams that felt like days, even weeks or months. a very strange feeling. The dreams were also very intense in one way or another. Either the colors, the graphics, the textures, even the smells became more vivid and realistic, or the topics of the dreams were very intense, possibly anxiety inducing, or even violent. I first thought it was because of the hotness of the room in the morning (my window is on the east side of the building and so the sun warms the room up a lot when it's sunny) but I soon connected it to the pills. The dream didn't mess with my day to day life, I just woke up a bit more dissoriented and confused than usual. So I didn't give it much second thought. I just saw it (and I still do) as a feature, more or less. A place to derive stories from. This dream tho, stood out to me for some reason, or, I think, multiple reasons, and so I have decided to write it down. Archive it. Let it be remembered.

I don't remember the beginning of the dream but I will share the fragments that remained. From what I can recall, it was the end of a supernatural war. I remember fragments of the fight, perhaps with a giant machine, a bug, or something else entirely, and a girl with long, blue hair, braided in two sepaate braids. Imagine Jinx from Arcane. The whole image, from the style to the weapons and fighting style. The war was won, the giant was no more, but at the cost of the girl's life. There was a small memorial site placed in an indent of a building, perhaps a church, but I can't be certain. The world that the dream was taking place in had a rule that if you placed a memorial, you could still talk to the ghost of the person, as long as you kept it well maintained and tidy. There was a chalice placed there for offerings, and the ghost could come and take the goods for herself. There was a boy sitting next to the memorial, or rather, a young man, talking to her, mumbling something I do not remember anymore. He did a sort of a sarcastic toast and poured a can of beer into the chalice as he drankther one himself. I could hear the ghost yelling "more! MORE!" Almost like she lost touch with reality, becoming lost, demented, corrupted. It was a sad site to behold.

And so we would visit her and she became quieter and quieter with each day that passed. In a parallel reality, however, she still seemed to be alive and well. And, oh, I forgot to mention, she was my older sister. I do not have a sister outside of the dream realm. Nor a brother. We were sitting in our living room, the air was dense. My parents were in the room as well (or rather, our parents), and we were listening to what seemed to be another educational telling off about the dangers of drugs. Ah. So I see. My sister was an addict. I do not recall how the conversation went in detail, but I remember it ended with a fight and with my sister storming out into the night.

We knew where she went. An old hotel, or a community building of some sort, where dirt poor families and addicts with nothing else to lose but their own life and the bag of dope they came there with. A place, forgotten by the world, much like its residents. We come to the entrance: a door, and about ten steps of stairs downwards. And where the steps end, my sister standing still, looking up at us. My parents stayed by the entrance, not taking even a step into the building. Almost frightened, it seemed. I go down. I look up to my sister, feeling as i I'm seeing her for the last time, for the first time in years, and beside numbness, another unidentified feeling appears. I look up, and all I could muster up was "Can I hug you?" as if afraid of the answer. I don't wait for it. A soft embrace, I still remember the texture and the cold of her puffy jacket, the smell of dust something else I don't remember. She remains still. As I back away, I am a bit shocked by what I see as I look up at her face. She is crying. It's not like her. "Our parents would like to talk to you, if you could go with us. I understand why you wouldn't. I still miss you." She looks at them briefly, them standing still, then looks back at me with a pained expression. "You still don't get it, do you? Look around." I try to take a step back, realising I can't. As if an invisible barrier stands where the floor ends and the first step begins. I look up at my parents, their images becoming ever so blurry and indistinct. As I look around, I see everything being a bit distorted. Odd. Unnatural. Familiar, but at the same time, so foreign. The texture of the wall being way too detailed and distinct, the shadows not making sense according to the light sources, everything moving like a slow, barely noticable wave. Like the place was alive and breathing. I don't understand now, how all of this suddenly made sense, but then, it was obvious in a matter of seconds. She overdosed. And I was dead. I cannot go back to them. I can't go back up. That's why she cried. Because she already knew.

Long story short, I think I visited purgatory in my sleep.